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How can you tell if the marriage will work?
Samuel Hamburg has written an amazing book called, 'Will Our Love Last?'
He developed a very simple model for what it takes to stay together. He talks about three different types of relationship chemistry, which he terms: sexual, wavelength and practical.
He makes the point that although communication, commitment and hard work are the usual aspects that people believe are needed for a relationship to work it is vitally important that you chose a person you are compatible. If you are compatible then problems will be far more likely to be resolved. Even if you are an amazing communicator but incompatible then it is unlikely to work out. Sexual
This most obvious element of good couple chemistry is sexual. This is generally the clearest one to all concerned- after you have been with someone for a few weeks you know if you are compatible in bed.
If you feel like you had a better sex life with another long-term partner it doesn't bode well for your current relationship. However if the only thing that worked with the previous partner was the sex then it would have been an empty relationship!
As you mature your outlook on what's important changes, the urgency of the teenage years fade away to a more relaxed attitude. Although the relative importance fades as we get older it is still an aspect that needs to work. Wavelength
Hamburg terms the next component as wavelength, which taps into the question 'Are you best friends?'
Do you agree on enough activities to want to spend lots of time together?
You need to share enough common beliefs to form a basis for a meaningful partnership.
Can you have an interesting conversation that is engaging to both of you? Practical
Practical is related to what could be termed 'the business' of the relationship.
• Do you keep the same kind of hours?
• Are you able to agree on who does the housework and when?
• Do you both have the same kind of clutter threshold?
This is the piece of relationship chemistry people are most likely to fail to consider before they end up living together.
In essence the message is “the key to having a happy marriage is to choose the right person for you in the first place.” Ideally all three components are strong enough or you risk having a problem. For instance, it's possible that sex bit isn't that important to the two of you or even that the sex is so great that you are willing to sacrifice being best friends. It's a bit of a risk though, because if all you've got is partial compatibility then there's every chance that someone else will turn up who feels more exciting, or even more sensible, for you or your partner. Affairs generally happen when someone is hungry for something they aren't getting at home.
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